When couples struggle to survive an affair, they may choose care as an option. At first there is relief because they feel as though the therapist understands their heartache and can honestly assist them. What may surprise them , however, is the feeling that they're moving two steps forward and one step back.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for treatment, what they might not realize is that three people actually show up for the appointment. There are two that wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Analysts are only now spotting the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked spouse experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed via anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is almost always at work impacting the direction treatment will take. Will the therapist help the partners discuss the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed partner? Anger will decide.
The betraying member of the relationship may be unable to identify her own anger in the initial sessions because she may be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By disregarding her fury however, she is no longer coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the frustration, discontent, and acrimony that led to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her outrage in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In cheating recovery, anger must be identified and met head on by all participants in care. Ignoring angriness does not make it go away; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for treatment, what they might not realize is that three people actually show up for the appointment. There are two that wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Analysts are only now spotting the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked spouse experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed via anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is almost always at work impacting the direction treatment will take. Will the therapist help the partners discuss the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed partner? Anger will decide.
The betraying member of the relationship may be unable to identify her own anger in the initial sessions because she may be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By disregarding her fury however, she is no longer coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the frustration, discontent, and acrimony that led to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her outrage in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In cheating recovery, anger must be identified and met head on by all participants in care. Ignoring angriness does not make it go away; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
About the Author:
Doctor. Kate Walker is a licensed professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article discusses coping with anger and managing anger when counseling couples that are recovering from cheating.